ME AND MAE HOW TO #1:
A Guide to Growing the Ultimate Beard
From the male section of Me and Mae
While we are known as a band that is a hell of a party both on the stage, and off the stage, we (the men of Me and Mae) have been attributed with another accolade on our belts: Beard Growing.
If you have always wanted to grow a big, bushy, bear-like coat under your chin, search no further. We asked Adam to conjure up his best beard growing tips, so that you too, can revel in your own beauty and retain your masculinity.
Step 1: Find a reason
This is the most important aspect when it comes to beard-growing. While in a perfect world we would not need to justify our furry winter coats, the society we live in today requires us to justify our actions. Adam suggests inventing some kind of family affair that requires one to give up on shaving. This could be that you have to live up to your father’s expectations, or that your cat is lonely and needs a furry friend in the household. Ben suggests blaming the banjo, as no banjo player can really be legit without some form of facial hair. Shawn retains that it prevents the sun from causing lasting damage to one’s skin and is thus-for a mandatory requirement in life.
Whatever your reasoning may be, ensure it is undeniable and will keep your friends, employers, and female counterparts off your case.
Step 2: Remove distraction
No matter how glorious or inglorious your beard may be, one will always go through a stage of denial. As we all know men’s asthetics can only be improved by beard growing, we haven’t found a scientific reason as to why we sometimes deny our beard’s growth, however, we have found ways to cope with these lowly times.
This can be managed by
- taking down mirrors
- watching movies with Chuck Norris or Gerard Butler
- remembering that you would look ridiculous without one
- throwing out razors
Step 3: Let it Grow
With an ever-growing acceptance of beards and various beard styles, some men become concerned with the act of “grooming”. This is a waste of time and must be ignored for at least 3 months. A beard is a natural improvement upon a man’s features, and to groom said improvement would then be unnatural. Set a start date, and mark a date for 90 days later as to when, if you choose, you can start to deter your beards natural growth path
Step 4: Acceptance
With your 3 month beard growth, you will now find yourself with a strange magnetic field around your chin and cheeks, where food, liquids, dirt, and small woodland creatures will attach themselves to your new beardy-hangout. Let them stay. This not only prevents you from ever going hungry as you will always have leftovers nearby, but also increases manliness and self-confidence.
Step 5: Flaunt it
Your beard is now bushy, full, and filled with lovely little things. You can now stop wearing your hat low, and your turtle necks up high. Be proud of the new friend you have grown, and go out on the town. People will do one of two things at this point:
- Run to you.
- Run from you.
At this point you will find yourself unable to say goodbye to your beard and therefore have no further control over how people will react.
If you are having trouble finding your beard’s niche in society, try pairing it with these activites:
Building anything out of wood
Going to Me and Mae shows
Running for Presidency
Auditioning for Old Spice Commercials
Stay tuned for more Me and Mae “How-to’s” and we shall see you and your beautiful beards sometime soon.
Adam, Ben, and Shawn.